wishy-washy = me

I keep worrying about having kids. I know I'm not, like, OLD, but I'm pretty far from young. What if my grandma doesn't get to meet my kids? What if they don't get to meet her? I've had grandparents for so much of my life, I'm 28 and I still have such lovely, wonderful, family! I want the same for my kids. And what about when I'm a grandma? Yes, I know this entry is painfully selfish - Hi! Nice to meet you, this is me! The one thing I've ever known I will do and be is a mom. I'm not REALLY good at very much. I'd say I only really excell at, uh, smiling, I guess. But I've always known, without a doubt (and the ONLY aspect of me for which I have no doubts) that I will be a good mom. That is the one thing I KNOW I can do.

Anyhoo, blah. There are other things to pass the time, huh? Like a fulfilling job. But what also sucks? While we're traveling and overseas and stuff, the only job I can do is teaching. And the only thing I can teach is English and, (in an entire extended family of teachers, I'm going to be roasted for this) I don't really enjoy teaching. I'm BORED. Even in the middle of a fun class, I'm bored and checking the time (urg - another 20 minutes).

I guess I feel a bit like I'm running on a treadmill. Not going anywhere. Marking time. Though if I were on a treadmill maybe I'd get in shape better.

Eeverything's going well, really. Just this week I've been a bit cranky and sore. I had a really fun birthday last week but this week I'm 28. I guess TWENTY-EIGHT feels like it's the age of somebody who knows what they're doing and who they are. I used to know who I was, but now it's changing every couple months. Hmmm - I'm undefined, fuzzy around the edges, wishy-washy. And also, hungry.

Ooh, and, uh, could the person who just read 300 pages in my diary give me a little shout out, you know? In fact, all of you should be saying hi more often, There's a guestbook, email and notes. I'd love to hear from you (and you, mystery person)!