monday evening

2005-02-08, 4:02 p.m.

Oh lord - my back is killing me. I’ve been walking about town waiting for Jesse to get off a late night at work and shopping for a valentines present for him. I’m totally striking out. I had a fantastic idea but can’t find one anywhere. So then I got another idea, but to get one nice enough it’d be too expensive. So then I got another idea but it wouldn’t be nice enough. I’d list them here but on the off chance that he reads this (about once a year) I’ll just leave it all vague. Also a bit boring.

I saw a picture of Britney (it appears to be the cover of her new album) and she was plastic. I don’t mean, like, that girls is sooooo, like, fake, kind of plastic or even the Barbie kind. She looked opaque and there was no variation in skin tone anywhere. There weren’t even any shadows. She does not look like a real human. I get all pissed of when I think of her wanting to look like that and show the world that it’s the ideal. To think that anybody, female or male would see her and think women should look like that. Rant, rant, boo hoo. I’m not skinny and today I’m pissed off about it. I'm so FUCKING tired of comparing myself to other women all god-damn day. Please tell me it'll go away someday. I feel like hiding in the house in a blob on the couch in flannel pajamas.

Instead I’m at the coffee shop waiting for Jesse and writing on my computer because if I read I’ll finish my book in about 10 minutes and then I’ll be screwed. I still have 45 minutes til he comes and I just can’t shop anymore cause my back can’t hold up my computer bag anymore.

You know what smells good? Coffee. Damn coffee’s awesome. I’m bored.

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